Have I been living in a barn while this became a normal question?
ME: Can I get an iced coffee?
GIRL BEHIND THE COUNTER: Sure. What kind of ice do you want?
ME: ????
GIRL: (loudly) WHAT KIND OF ICE DO YOU WANT?
ME: ?????
GIRL: (bitchy) ICE. WHAT KIND?
ME: !!!!!!!
GIRL: (uber-bitchy) WELL?
ME: Look, I just want an iced coffee! Ice, and coffee! Of the regular, normal variety!
HER: (shoots me a nasty look)
ME: (returns nasty look)
HER: Will there be anything else today, MA’AM?
ME: I WILL CLIMB OVER THAT COUNTER AND PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE! (no, not really)
CHRISTOPHER: (who’s been staring at scones the whole time and missed the entire exchange) Can I get an iced mocha?
HER: (furious) WHAT KIND OF ICE DO YOU WANT WITH THAT ICED MOCHA?
CHRISTOPHER: (looks at me)
ME: Don’t look at me!
CHRISTOPHER: (to her) What options do I have?
HER: (as though we are the stupidest people in the history of the universe. As though she’d asked, Would you like to breathe oxygen or poisonous gases this afternoon? and we’d said, D’uh, What’s the difference?) ICE MADE WITH WATER OR ICE MADE WITH COFFEE.
ME: I’VE WORKED IN BRUCH SERVICE FOR OVER TEN YEARS, YOU LITTLE WHORE, AND I’VE NEVER HEARD OF ‘ICE WITH COFFEE OF ICE WITH WATER’ BEING ASKED AS A STANDARD COFFEE RELATED QUESTION SO DON’T YOU DAAAAARE CONDESCEND ME, JUST GIVE ME MY GODDAMNED ICED COFFEE! (no, not really)
CHRISTOPHER: Ice made with water is fine. It’s fine. Thank you.
Comments
Hi, Meg! I just happened upon your blog. You seem to be a bit busy these days. Congrats! I'll have to give your site a complete perusal later.
Posted by: Tony Jeswald | July 20, 2006 10:11 AM
lol. Or ha ha, whichever you prefer. Only just the other day, I saw somewhere, in a magazine or something, a little tip, so make ice cubes out of my leftover coffee (like THAT happens), so that they won't water down the iced coffee I make at home (usually only when I'm drinking the coffee that's leftover from the day before that's still sitting in the pot, and I am either 1. too lazy to make another pot or 2. it's hot outside or 3. I have the taste for iced coffee, but going to Starbuck's in my pajamas without brushing my teeth or putting on a bra isn't an option around here, because I will surely see somebody I know, and will have to stand in the Starbuck's, covering my mouth with my hand (discretely) so that they can't smell my nasty breath, while also trying to discretely disguise the fact that my girls are swinging free.
Shit, I lost track of that one. Anyway, I read that, about the coffee ice cubes, and I thought, "Brilliant!" why didn't I think of that? And some for iced tea? And some for milk (yes, I like 3 ice cubes in my milk), and some for apple juice, and so on and so on and so on until my freezer is filled with ziploc bags full of multi-hued ice cubes.
But I had not heard of any iced-coffee purveyor offering up the coffee ice cubes, and while I think it's a great idea, and I'd probably take them up on it if offered, if I had been offered by this bitch, I probably would have, at the very least, spoken with her manager. Because I'm a bitch like that. Of course, that would be the last time I'd ever be able to purchase an iced coffee made with iced coffee cubes, because from then on, my ice cubes would feature the combined spit of everyone who worked in the place, but it'd be worth it.
Hmm, well. It looks like I don't have to bother posting on my own blog today. Can I just post a link to this comment and call it a post?
Posted by: Viki | July 20, 2006 11:09 AM
say what? :)
isn't "ice" made with "water" by definition? wouldn't ice made with coffee need its own name?
Posted by: carolyn | July 21, 2006 6:08 AM
Ha, I'd love such inconveniences as a discepancy about what I'd like my ice to be made out of; in fact I would love the ability to have ice, wait, I would love to just be able to have a discrepancy in general with someone who speaks the same language as me! Oh Americans, I think all that air conditioning and telephoning has corrupted your minds. ;)
Posted by: Sam Yoelin | July 27, 2006 7:41 AM
Bwahahahaha! Mary Mac/K told me this story after we pissed off some uber-hipsters at a cafe in Portland, but I had to read it for myself. LOL!
Posted by: thelizabeff | September 13, 2006 5:29 PM