I see myself buying shoes elsewhere
Today I called the Alamo shoe store with an inquiry.
ME: Hi, I was wondering if you carried the Keen Stockholm boot?
SALESLADY: Let me check.
(pause)
SALESLADY: We expect them with our next delivery.
ME: Great! When do you expect your next delivery?
SALESLADY: Oh, I’m sorry, I must have forgotten to bring my crystal ball to work with me today!
(hangs up)
I sat there for long time with the phone to my ear, as though this hadn’t really happened. As though I was still on hold, and she’d be back in a moment to explain that they really have no set schedule for delivery and she’s very sorry, she doesn’t know. Or even—and I know I’m going out on a limb here—can she take down my number and call me when they arrive? But that didn’t happen. What happened was I sat there on a dead phone, imagining myself putting on my shoes, going to my car and driving over to Uncle Fun on Belmont. There, I purchase a crystal ball, and then I drive back North to the Alamo shoe store where I walk in, find that saleslady and hand her the crystal ball. Then I stand there waiting. And when she looks at me in surprise, I ask, very politely, “Could you please tell me now when you expect the delivery of Keen Stockholm boots? So I don’t make a trip over here for nothing? If you’re unsure of the exact day of said delivery, it’s no problem, I can telephone you tomorrow, and the next day as well, or I can just go down the street to Hanig’s where the salespeople are really nice and don’t mouth off to pregnant customers who just want to buy a pair of decent fleece-lined boots for the upcoming winter without having to run all over the city when their back hurts from the extra load. So. If you could just look into that there ball and tell me what you see, I’d be most appreciative! Thank you! I’ll WAIT!”
Comments
Say WHAT!? Alamo shoes is the greatest usually. Let's never go there again.
Posted by: Christopher McHusband | October 8, 2007 11:56 AM
McHusband: I'm so totally buying you that "I am McLovin'" t-shirt from the back of US magazine. I'll pick one up when I get myself some boots NOT from Alamo.
Posted by: Megan | October 8, 2007 1:26 PM
that's hilarious. rough day at Alamo, that crystal ball having been left at home.
i on the other hand have a crystal ball sitting right here and right now i'm asking it when will alamo next be hiring new employees because i'm guessing it's going to be soon....
Posted by: carolyn | October 9, 2007 9:16 AM
1. Please do that thing with the crystal ball. I would like to watch and/or film it for a documentary.
2. Are you communicating with your husband via your blog when you are both probably sitting just a few feet from each other? Are you aware of the fact that we, your readers, are now aware of this fact?
Because you might need to link to the above comments in your post about how you're lame.
Posted by: Viki | October 9, 2007 11:19 AM
ACTUALLY, Viki McSmarmypants, my husband and I have these silly things called JOBS which often force us to exist several feet away from one another. And, during those rare moments that we ARE in the same room, I prefer to sit ON him, as opposed to allowing even a few measly feet to pass between us, he is JUST. THAT. HOT.
As for the crystal ball, I really do need to get one. Hell, I have a Masters in fiction, that should be EXCELLENT preparation for my next career as a psychic.
Oh and Viki, while I've got you on the line: POST SOMETHING NEW ALREADY.
Posted by: Megan | October 9, 2007 5:13 PM