Megan Stielstra's Blog

So on May 10th I’m doing this story at 2nd Story about faking it, specifically some of the different personalities I’ve gone through over the years—hippie, Goth, Sandra Dee, academic, rocker girlfriend—and were any of them the true me? and is it even possible to tackle that question without sounding totally pretentious? Probably not. But I’m going to try. And will make fun of myself with much viciousness, I assure you, because you can’t talk about how self-important you were at eighteen without being self-deprecating.

Anyhow, we’re using music to get at some of these personalities—the Indigo Girls phase, the NIN phase, the techno phase, the Modest Mouse phase, etc.—and so yesterday I get this email from my director, Sara Kerastas (this girl kicks ass, FYI), saying that she and my sound designer (Tamara Roberts, who also kicks ass) were talking about the music for my story and were thinking that, what with all these songs that represented different personalities I faked my way through, what was a song that represented my actual, true, authentic self that we could use for outro music?

My first thought was, Excellent idea!

My second: How on Earth do I pick ONE SONG?

Nick Hornby wrote an entire novel on this question, so I won’t go on too long here; suffice it to say I’ve spent the past three days thinking about this question, going through my music library, reliving my past, looking up lyrics on the internet, thinking, Is THIS my authentic self? Or was this my self at twenty-five? Or did this just help me get over somebody, or through something, and is this one really me or do I just like to dance to it, or maybe it isn’t me at all, it just, like ROCKS.

Here were some contenders:

Just for Now (live in Toronto), Imogen Heap. Modern Girl, Sleater-Kinney. Heartbeats (live), The Knife. Legend of a Cowgirl, Imani Coppola. Draw Down the Stars, Tom McRae. Sweet Dreams (Made of This), Eurythmics. Pills, Gary Jules. Nostalgie Amoureuse, Zap Mama. Maps (live), Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Tsunami, Res. Ambulance, TV on the Radio. Hit Me with Your Best Shot, Pat Benetar.

Here’s the winner:

(that said, Sara and Tamara will have final say on what works with the story. I’m glad to be in their hands).